Day 3 - 40 Day Women's Prayer & Empowerment Challenge

I’ll never forget the day I sat in my pastor’s office for marriage counseling.  You see, this was my second marriage and I was blessed with the opportunity to marry someone I had fallen madly in love with in college some 20 plus years prior.  I never had the chance to tell him I loved him, then, because my heart was so closed and afraid to love at such a deep level.  I thought that if I told him, he’d only break it.  Nonetheless, it was broken anyway.  We could never get our relationship off the ground in our younger days because of the lack of maturity on both of our parts. 

Now, here I am in 2013 with this amazing opportunity; and, again, I love him and I am afraid to take the plunge and allow myself to fall head over hills in love with him.  I loved him so much yet I was extremely guarded.  He could only get so emotionally close to me before I would totally freeze up in my mind and actions.  My heart was so willing, but my fears were getting the best of me; and, he had done nothing whatsoever to warrant those fears.  They were totally false.

Our pastor was wonderful, he fully allowed us to be transparent as we discussed all of these darkest matters with him without judgement, ridicule, and bible beatings.  Therefore, we felt completely free to discuss the fact that to me my husband’s love was like an overwhelming ocean and I wanted to love but I needed to wear a safety jacket because I was so afraid of drowning.  What my pastor said next, totally, blew me away, made me more fearful, but spoken volumes to heart at the same time.  He said, “Kreslyn, when you love someone, you literally take your heart, place in their hands and give them permission to break it over and over again.” Wow!!!! I did not want to hear that, but at the same time I needed to hear it so badly; because, it was the absolute truth!

What I discovered is just because your heart is closed does not mean that behind the walls and doors of it that love doesn’t exist.  You still love that person with the same kind of passion and energy, you are just withholding it; and, since you still love them you are still subject to being hurt.  Frankly, being hard-hearted does not protect us from pain and only exacerbates the inevitable.  So we may as well have OPEN HEARTS and share our own ocean with the people who truly love us and show us love. 

As women, we have allowed past pain to dictate how we are to feel about others in the future and even block our heart when it should be open.  Past pain, resentment, and trauma distort our view of what’s real and what’s not, so everyone in our future pays for the pain in our past.  It doesn’t have to be this way.  I want to encourage you today, to open your heart to your loved ones and give them permission to break it while also knowing that not giving them permission doesn’t protect you from heart break but an OPEN HEART gives you innumerable opportunities to lift others in life, love, and hope.  Why pass up the opportunity to do that?

I have come a long way in this area but still have much ground to cover.  So, I pray for “US” today!!! I pray that we ask for the same OPEN HEART Christ has.  He opened his heart to us, displayed it through his ministry, death, and resurrection; yet, we break His heart over and over again but He still loves us. His LOVE never fades and it never fails.  Thank you, LORD!!!!! I pray that all of yesterday’s mail of hurt, pain, and trauma is shredded, deleted, and destroyed, and that we cease tying our history to our future but commit to re-writing it to include LOVE, FORGIVENESS, PEACE, and JOY no matter our life’s situation.  AMEN!!!!  Blessings to you my sister! Now go and be a blessing!

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